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Lopping down my favourite tree

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tree removal MelbourneI’ve always lived in this home. My parents raised me here and passed it on to me when they retired. My wife joined me here when we got married. She likes the place alright but she doesn’t have the same affection for it as I do. And now that we have to get our tree lopped, she doesn’t understand…

The tree is a great big wilting willow and is over a hundred years old. Willows are, in my opinion, the most mysterious and mystical of the trees. They’re grand and secretive, appearing to whisper when the wind blows through their branches. If you’ve ever read Algernon Blackwood’s story about them then you’ll have some idea of their mystical powers. Anyway, my wife seems to think that we’re in need of an arborist. “Melbourne is too small a city for such big trees,” she says, “The thing simply has to go.” This particular willow has belonged to the house since I was just a wee lad, and the thought of lopping it down is like considering severing a limb. I’d do anything not to see it go.

I don’t know how to convey my affections for this tree to my impervious and callous wife. “Take one look at that tree,” I said, pointing out the window, “You’re going to cut that thing done?!” She blinked at me, oblivious to the tree’s beauty or magnetism, and said, “It’s interfering with the power lines. And next time the wind blows, our roof is going to cave in.” Always so pragmatic, so unfeeling. While she sits there calling the arborists and talking equably about tree feeling, I cannot stand the thought of tree removal. Melbourne deserves more willows. If she dares to cut down my beloved tree, I’ll go on a tree-planting spree just to spite her. See how she likes that.  

Heroes As You’re Growing Up

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custom snapper racksI grew up with some really cool cartoons, like everyone in my awesome generation. Sure, they taught me some weird things- like, Colonel Universe made me believe that all coffee beans were evil and should never be farmed- but otherwise they were full of moral lessons that were woven with the narrative with expertise. Unlike nowadays, seriously…it’s all so blatant and transparent. Kids aren’t that stupid.

Though it’s weird how I used to define doing ‘something’ with my life. I used to want to be one of the Bosses of the Multiverse, like in the series She-Woman and the Bosses of the Multiverse. Wow, that was really progressive now that I think about it. A woman who uses a magic sword to fight evil from the back of a giant wolf? So cool! But then you get older, and now I think, what…welding is cool? Fishing trips and snapper racks? There were no shows about welding and fishing when I grew up. All my heroes wielded swords and flew around blasting things with energy beams. I wonder…what is it that makes us change priorities?

The real world, I guess. I can’t join She-Woman’s band of defenders, because that doesn’t exist. I guess if the show’s ideas of justice really hit me and stayed relevant, I’d have become a police officer or something. But then, I didn’t, because I don’t think I’d be good at that. Eventually I became a cynical teenager, and I sort of liked the idea of working on marine fabrication and fishing rods and whatever. Huh. Seems boring now that I put it like that. But I guess that’s just the real world, and you can’t just grow up with your head in the clouds. Unless your dream is to write picture books or something, then it’s probably okay. I kind of like writing, even though I haven’t done much of it…maybe there’s a story to be told about Melbourne marine steel fabrication, and how it eventually led to one young man using his welding skills to become a Boss of the Multiverse. I’m really just a big kid, I guess.

-Leroy

I want to be number one

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beauty and makeup courses MelbourneIn any relationship the most important thing is to maintain your own personal identity. It is vital to retain your hobbies, interests and friends that are solely yours and not your partners. Jess and I maintain a high sense of individualism to keep ourselves interesting and to some extent independent from the other. I speak to too many people who have blurred into one person and no longer find their partner desirable as a result.

A client recently came to me to discuss some identity issues, she was struggling to find herself within her relationship and saw herself simply as ‘a girlfriend’. I asked her if she had any passions prior to the relationship that she could reclaim. She told me of love of all things beauty, she had always been interested in cosmetics and beauty therapy. She had even looked into a few beautician courses but then she met prince charming and devoted herself to him entirely. This didn’t leave any room for her own personal development.

If the one you love isn’t willing to let you invest in yourself then you may want to rethink that partnership. A true partner is one who encourages and enables self discovery and growth, anyone that opposes that sentiment is less of a partner and more of an owner.

I encouraged my client to enroll in a beauty course, Melbourne is buzzing with opportunities and it is time she seized one. I saw some of her previous amateur makeup work with friends for weddings and various events and the girl has serious talent! She can transform even those less fortunate among us into shining beauties. I can tell that she’s going to go far in the makeup and beauty therapy field is she dedicates herself to it.

Finding success along your own path will not only do wonders for your own happiness and satisfaction but also for your partners. You have no greater ally than yourself!

Searching for dry needling courses

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dry needlingIf there’s anyone bad at searching the web, it’s me. People say I’ve got my head buried in the sand but it’s more like wherever I go I’m followed by a big sand storm. I’m always the last to hear about events, if I even hear about them at all. And whenever I need something I assume it doesn’t exist because, of course, I can’t find it. If it wasn’t for dry needling courses close to Auckland, I’d still be floundering in my own musculoskeletal pain.

I was having pains in my back, neck and shoulders. And my boyfriend’s massage skills weren’t doing me any favours. It’s hard to put these pains and symptoms into words. I know I had to find some manual therapy but didn’t know how to go about it. I tried searching for “pulsing pain” but got no results and later discovered that people usually say “throbbing”, then I searched for chiropractors but when I saw the chiro he told me that I was in the wrong place. He told me to see the osteopath so I did that and the same thing happened. She brushed me off and told me she could do nothing for me. I felt forlorn. I screamed into the night, “Wherefore art thou pain treatment?”

It was by pure chance that I saw the little college across the road, because I could have been searching the internet forever in vain, not knowing what I was looking for or how to find it. I knew that trigger point dry needling was for me. Unfortunately, we’re going to have to move to Adelaide soon to look after my boyfriend’s sickly elderly aunt, but I discovered that I can take a dry needling course in the Adelaide CBD. The treatment was so effective that now I’m going to study it. I just want to bring the relief from pain that I experienced to other people and make them smile.

Men can study make up too

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makeup coursesWhen I was a little boy, everyone thought I was queer. I eschewed the toy trucks and consoles given to me as a boy and instead opted for my sister’s play tea set and pink plastic vanity. What can I say? Dainty things really appealed to me. It has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. I mean there are plenty of same-sex attracted men who like footy and manly things. Me, on the other hand, I like girls and dressing them up too. It came as no surprise to anyone when I graduated high school and started looking into makeup courses. The real surprise came when I got a girlfriend.

My parents are real conservative. Dad’s a protestant and Mum’s a roman catholic, this is a heck of a birthright. Anyway, Dad was pretty unhappy when I stopped eating meat. He called me a girl. Then when I started studying to be a make up artists he almost disowned me. I tried reasoning with him. I said, “When you and Mum got married your parents were unhappy about you choosing a catholic girl, and you went against the grain.” But I guess you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. When I finally got my hot girlfriend, he was so impressed that all of his hostility melted away.

Since studying my make up courses in Melbourne, I feel like I’ve come out of the closet, so to speak. No longer do I need to hide my love of make up from the world. I can freely brandish mascaras and eyeliner pencils and chat openly about my lifestyle choices. It can be pretty rough when people don’t accept you for who you are, the way they sniggger atyou behind your back, and avoid the connection between men and cosmetics in conversation. Not only does it make you feel unwelcome, but it makes you feel unsafe too.

Passing an old love on to my children

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marine fabricationThere’s something entirely freeing about the sea air, don’t you think? As if it has the power to release you from all obligations and let you be your own person – your truest self. Of course, in today’s day and age, getting to the sea is no easy feat, nor is it a piece of cake to pass on a love of the ocean to your children. I wish the person luck who’s going to try and convince a sixteen year old boy to get up out of bed before dawn, my son won’t move an inch until lunchtime. My daughter, on the other hand, is always up bright and early when we decide to take the boat out for a spin. She has a real knack for it and, I hope, a genuine love for it too. Often, when I go into the shed for one reason or another, she’s already in there, doing something abstract like fixing some rigging or wiping down a bait board. I asked her once why she does it and she responded by saying it gives her a sense of peace. In this crazy world, I say you grab a moment of peace where ever you can, even if it is inside a dimly lit shed.

Once in awhile, the boat needs a little bit more than a careful wash down. Once in awhile, it needs some kind of addition, or we, in our laziness, tell ourselves it does in order to justify whatever new trinket or toy we desire. That is when it’s time to call the best marine fabrication experts Melbourne has to offer. They make everything to the specifications of your boat, customising it to make it fit and work to perfection. It’s like a small gift-to-self, buying their works of seemingly effortless craftsmanship. A present that my daughter and I can share.

Grappling with Dad’s will

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power of attorneyIn the modern world, death is more complicated than it ever was before. It’s as hard, if not harder, on the individual emotionally speaking. And if that wasn’t enough, then there are all the legal and financial matters…

Our Dad is on his deathbed. He’s had a good life and is dying at the ripe old age of 90. Still, it’s hard to say goodbye. Senility set in months ago, and his physical presence is barely hanging on. So we’ve had to go through the whole ordeal of arranging enduring power of attorney. Melbourne city has good lawyers who are apt for the job. It’s just a bit complicated now because he didn’t sort this stuff out while he was still able to. Sure he’s leaving us with a property each and a few thousand dollars (which i am ever grateful for, by the way) he’s also leaving us with the legal and financial mess that is his estate.

To make matters worse, we need to get this stuff sorted out before he kicks the bucket. Otherwise, it’s going to be nigh impossible to get probate. In Victoria, you need to apply for grant of probate from the supreme court, which can be tricky business. All of these legal matters relating to wills and estates does my head in, personally. It’s like a minefield. That’s why you need someone to help navigate like a lawyer who you give power of attorney.

Poor old Dad. I know he would have left most of his property and assets to me because I was his favourite, he just never got the chance to put that in writing. Now his wayward second son, my hedonistic and criminally insane brother, gets to cash in on half of everything. It’s fair but it’s just not right!

My wife, bless her

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dermal fillers Melbourne

My wife recently called me and told me she had arranged an appointment for me with a cosmetic dermatologist in Melbourne. I told her I had no need to see a doctor I am perfectly fine. She did not cancel the appointment. Two weeks later I found myself at a consultation, my wife came along to, about my ageing process. I was a little unclear where this was all heading, I told the doctor I am ageing appropriately and have no cause for concern. My wife then interjected and said she was concerned about my lips, they had deteriorated a little in old age and she felt they could use a boost. It then clicked that my wife had arranged this whole thing in an attempt to get me to agree to some lip fillers, Melbourne apparently is a young city and me and my lips stand out. My wife is a real go getter.

When she see’s something she wants, she will go about getting it like a ninja. I had never really considered any kind of cosmetic procedure before, to be honest in my mind it seems like more of a feminine choice. I heard out the doctor and read all the literature and it actually doesn’t seem like such a big deal. I did used to be a pretty good looking man until everything started sagging so maybe it would be nice to regain a little youth to my looks. An old golf buddy of mine had actually had some dermal fillers in Melbourne before so I asked him a few questions and he couldn’t have recommended it more highly. My wife has really developed the skills to get me to do what she wants, I am quite literally going under the knife (needles) for her!

The carpet was too clean

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carpet steam cleaning needed

My aunt went away on holidays and I had a party. Immature, I know, but hey, I am forty and still living with my parents so I guess it’s safe to say that I’m an immature guy. Somewhere along the line I discovered beer and I never grew up since then. Those things keep me young. Well, I still feel young, probably don’t look it. Usually though I just party in my little room which gets filled up quickly and the carpet was long stained. The rest of the house is immaculate, just the way mum keeps it. She doesn’t even let us in the door with our shoes on, and if you try it the old witch will smack you with a broomstick.

I knew I was going to need carpet cleaning as soon as I put the party invite out on facebook. I knew there was going to be beer and water spilt everywhere and other things getting into the carpet. I know a good company that does stain removal near Melbourne (I’ve used them before) and when the time came, I called them and they arrived with no hassle at all. They were speedy to the scene and efficient with the cleaning. My dole money paid for the carpet cleaning, upholstery cleaning and tile and grout cleaning. Afterwards, everything was sparkling, spick and span. I didn’t even have to specify that I badly needed odour removal, Melbourne carpet cleaners knew the drill. I looked at the carpet and sighed with relief, little expecting the trouble that was to come…

So Mum steps in the door and says, ‘Something funny about this place.’ I’m thinking, ‘She’ll never notice I had a party, surely!’ Then she struts over to the carpet and bends down, has a sniff. ‘This carpet is too clean,’ she said, ‘You had a party, haven’t you?!’ Busted.

Goodbye dear tree

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tree lopping

It was rotten. For thirty years we had woken up and looked out our window at the mighty oak tree standing strong in our garden. It had stood there like a protector of its land since we moved in and in many ways it had become part of the family. We had watched our kids grow up under its leaves and more recently have seen our grandkids try to climb it. We were told by arborists years ago to have the tree felled, or at least have part of it removed but we could not bring ourselves to do it. So the tree has remained but it is now time to say goodbye. We called the tree removal company in Brisbane and asked them to come and have a look and decide on the best course of action. I think we were both hoping the tree surgeon would come and say we were being over cautious and the tree could stay. Unfortunately we were not being over cautious. He said the tree was rotting from the inside out and out of safety concerns he advises we get it removed straight away. We arranged for the tree lopping in Brisbane to take place next weekend and we invited all the kids round to have one last play with the tree. In fact we decided to move the table outside and have dinner under its long branches. We found the carvings the kids had done when they were all at school and we even found remnants of the tree house we had tried to build over ten years ago. The tree would be taking a lot of memories away with it. It’s removal though is a nice reminder that it really truly lived with us, it was an organic part of our family that has run its course and provided us with so many smiles over the years.