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Not How Air Con Works

Oh no. As heart-breaking as it sounds, Week of Our Lives is currently up for cancellation. I’m literally dying. There’s nothing else in my life besides this show, but there have been comments from the network executive that things are getting ‘stale’, and that it’s ‘time for a change’. What does it all mean? Me and my friends on the forums are all freaking out, and rightfully so. I knew that whole air conditioning story was trouble!

Cassie has been acting strangely for a while, and all was finally revealed in last night’s episode. Turns out that she’s actually the world’s most notorious hacker, and she’s been spending the last year hacking all of the air conditioning around Melbourne so she can enact her master plan: turning it all on at the same time when all the wealthy people are at work, sending their electricity bills soaring through the roof and making them pay for having money.

Not only was this story line not really focused on Realsville; it really ticked off the members of our community who appreciate the fine services of air conditioning that exist in Melbourne, some of whom even call our fair community their home. I get it…even I was pretty skeptical when Cassie hacked into the living room of the wealthy property investment baron who evicted their family when she was a little girl and ramped up the air con unit so that it froze him in a solid block of ice. Most air con units can’t even do that!

But to have the show cancelled…I’d have nothing left. This is my life, I’ve come to realise. If they get another episode, it’d better be one giant apology to the fine air conditioning servicing companies in Melbourne, and a return to form!!

A haunted house

steel fabricationWhen I was a kid, I used to see the magic in everything. I guess that’s kind of what happens to everyone, right? You start off with one heck of an over imaginative imagination and then, slowly, over time, without even realising it, that propensity to see the mystery in even the most mundane of things slips away. Well, not to sound like I’m boasting or anything, but I was always particularly creative. And, over the summer we spent in Melbourne with our aunt and uncle, I became convinced that the Melbourne steel fabrication site near my house was haunted.

I’m not really sure what made me think that. Actually, no that isn’t true. I used to hear strange noises in the night, see a light flickering in the supposedly abandoned warehouse. I used to wake my brother Charlie up so we could fantasise about what sort of ghost or spirit may be wondering that cursed earth. We told ourselves the high pitched screeches were other worldly, and the stories we made up to make sense of it all were legendary.

One day, nearing the end of our trip away, Charlie and I decided to make our first and final stand. We were going to scramble under a whole in the fence and confront the monster. I’d seen enough tv to know to bring salt, and like the adventurers we were, we trailed it behind us as we made our crusade. As it turned out, one of the metal suppliers in Melbourne made their deliveries late at night, and so the man who ran the workshop would stay into the night to work on the pieces. I’ll never forget the moment we snuck in and saw him, standing tall and wearing a mask to keep the sparks off his face. The site may not have been haunted, but it certainly gave us an adventure and a half. 

New Bathroom for Parents

bathroom contractors MelbourneMy parents had moved interstate after my great aunt had passed away some years ago. My aunt had three children and unfortunately was a single mother. My parents being the kindhearted people they are volunteered to take care of the kids. The kids were aged between 9 and 14 and my parents were having a bit of trouble keeping them in line. I had just flown down to see my family for the first time in a few years. I hadn’t even seen the house my parents had bought yet, and was shocked to see what they were living in. Before my parents moved to the house they’re in now, they lived in a beautiful home with a gorgeous bathroom. Now that they were stressed and had to buy a bigger house that they could barely afford. To bit it nicely, they were living in a mess.

I took it upon myself to send my parents away on a much needed holiday. While they are away, enjoying their fully paid for holiday in the sun without annoying children or stress I planned to have their house renovated. I was looking after the children, and the bathroom renovations were going to be a big surprise. I’d been speaking with a few interior designers about bathroom renovations, Melbourne architects are some of the best in the country.

I’d already ordered the bathroom fixtures that my grandmother had shown me and all was underway. I had shown my grandmother a designer bathroom brochure and asked her what her favourites things were. She had no idea what I was planning. I couldn’t wait for my family to return from their getaway, they were going to be overcome with excitement. If you ask me, I’d tell you that my parents deserve the best bathroom designers Melbourne has to offer. I sincerely hope they do enjoy their renovation project and that Dad doesn’t stress too much.

Glass Stairs

Glass technology is a wonderful thing. I obviously mean made by Australians, obviously. The continent upon which I stand, the denizens of which are known as Australians.

Such a curious thing, separating by country as well as species…though it’s not like I find that strange, or anything! I, also, am from a country. A country with people and places and of course things.

But that country that I was from has no great glass structures like this one. Makes sense, what with all the desert in this country, and all the glass that can be made from sand. And if it’s not sand from the desert, then it’s sand from one of the many beaches that surround this large continent. The glass repair experts here must be of an extremely high calibre, given that they have so much sand to work with. Sand in the middle, sand on the edges…they would be fools not to make that their main export.

I wonder if glaziers here have ever thought about applying their glass technology to spaceships? Not that I know much about spaceships, because I’m just a normal person of this planet, a planet with a clear Level Two space travel rating, and it’ll be a long while before intergalactic travel becomes possible. I see potential for glass, however. A great deal of things can be made from it, such as sculptures, large panes that block UV rays and maintain internal temperatures, and also balustrades. Those are…stairs. Stairs, but with glass. Even things like glass balustrades show the ingenuity of the human spirit that shall one day carry them to the stars, possibly after upgrading and integrating their glass technology into their spacecraft, creating wonderful vessels that will undoubtedly catch the attention of the intergalactic ship-building community.

If such a thing exists, ha ha! I wouldn’t know. I’ve lived here for my whole life.


Tired Car Talk

It’s one of those days. I’ve hit a wall, there’s no milk left for coffee (and I’m not drinking black instant coffee, yick), plus I know I have an absolute beast of a commute coming up, so not really looking forward to that. Oh, and there’s youth group tonight, so I’m not getting home until about 10 anyway. And then I can do it all again tomorrow! Hopefully with more sleep under my belt, though.

My mind is so distracted that I’m actually making a valid to-do list instead of working, which is how you know I’m completely far gone. I know I have to find a new mechanic, Ringwood based or otherwise, because I just started driving our family friend’s car on long loan, and I’m seriously paranoid. The fact that it’s my first auto car is nice, don’t get me wrong, and I enjoyed driving on the freeway this morning whilst eating an apple in my free hand. It has cruise control as well…very nice. Also it beeps at me when I don’t put on my seatbelt, and for many other reasons. What was I saying?

Oh yeah, so…I need to find a good mechanic who’ll take good care of it, because getting a car for six months is awesome, and that’s a favour I need to repay. Doesn’t help that it’s about two feet longer than all the small cars I’ve owned in the past, and so I’m ultra-paranoid about parking it. I’ve been intentionally parking a zillion miles away and walking in, just because I don’t want to bump anything, and I still suck at parking.

So yeah. Mechanic needed. And I should make notes on them as well, just in case there are any really good garages for brake services. Ringwood drivers, please know that I’m not planning on any huge collisions, but… got to be safe. Got to be… safe.

I’m so tired.


It’s Just a Bit of a Fixer-Upper…

glass balustradingWhat that phrase they use? ‘Fixer-upper’. Our new home is a ‘fixer-upper’. That’s a nice way of saying that it’s a broken-down dump, but I’m the one staying positive here. Also, we’re recently married, so the power of our love should make things a breeze, just at the start of that movie, Down, except the complete opposite. You know, where there was a montage of a man and a wife having a horrible marriage for sixty years, constantly arguing and wishing the other was dead, until finally the man dies and the wife takes a holiday to Peru to celebrate her newfound freedom.

I cry every time.

Looks like I’m going to have to be the DIY-savvy one in this relationship. I’m the one with all the contacts, like how I’ve memorized the numbers of several professionals in the field of residential glazing. Melbourne is a mixed bag when it comes to trades and services, you really have to know the right people if you want to get a good deal. 

That’s just what happens when you grow up with a  ratty young brother who isn’t careful about where he kicks the footy, and the parents are always out. Callum, meanwhile, is totally clueless when it comes to this stuff. Our marriage is just going to be him calling up his wife and asking for DIY tips. I kind of like that dynamic, if I’m honest. Very progressive.

We DO need glaziers though, so I’ll have to see how much is in the budget. I can tolerate some creaky stairs, and maybe I can just not look at the garden until we have enough for landscaping, but the windows are all scratched and dirty. We really do just need new ones. And maybe we can look into some frosting for the bathroom, because there aren’t any curtains and…well. Privacy.

I’m still seeing it as a DIY adventure though. And I have future-vision for this kind of thing, so I’m just looking at the place and seeing it all complete. Nice windows, sweeping glass balustrading, floating wood floors…and it’s all up to me to make it happen.


A Feature Wall with Intellectual Value

custom wallpaperI’m really liking the idea of a feature wall in our new home, but only if it’s covered in cryptic messages. Like, I’m talking really weird, obscure stuff that’ll take me ages to figure out.

See, I just had a child, and that’s great, but it does mean I’ll be out of work for a while. I know for a lot of women, the extremely involving and fulfilling job of taking care of a baby is enough for the first few months, but my mind is a lot more active than that. I’m usually a forensic scientist, so there’s going to be quite the transition period from my mind being that active every day to just…not being active. I’ve done my research, I know you can get easy to remove wallpaper, so it can be taken down by the time little Watson is a bit older and we’re ready to have visitors again.

People say it won’t be that bad, but they don’t know me. My brain rebels at being stagnant. All the other mums in the group have said that I’ll have baby brain, that I’ll forget work because there’s going to be so much to do with the baby…and while I acknowledge that it’s going to be a lot of work, physically, my mind will wander. Hopefully, our new bit of wallpaper covered in brain teasers and cryptic messages in strange languages will be enough to keep me occupied. There’s room for fun stuff, of course. I plan to find some of my favourite ‘Where Is Wanda’ books from when I was young (the ones that got me into my line of work) and have some of it printed onto the wallpaper. When I get tired of cryptic puzzles and ancient riddles, I’ll just transition into looking for Wanda. That should calm me down. And making my own custom wallpaper is a decent enough way to fill my time, to begin with anyway…


No Time to Trim the Mullet

Melbourne hairdresserWhen did life get so unreasonably busy? I’ve been trying to get to the newsagent to fill up my electricity meter for the last week, and there’s just…no time. Simple little thing, and I can’t even do that much. Kelsie’s rabbits need feeding, with is a train and a bus trip away, and I never should’ve said that I can do it. Work needs me to go all the way into the CBD to get flowers for Daria’s leaving party, which took up most of my time after work because the trains were playing up, and then it was my nephew’s play, so…

Okay, so that’s where all the time went. On things I have no control over, cool, great. Guess I shouldn’t feel bad, but it’s hard not to when I see the dishes piling up, or I look at myself in the mirror and realise that I’m skirting the edge of the mullet territory. Thing is, when I was in the CBD picking up the flowers, I saw a hair stylist at David Jones and I thought… ‘fifteen minutes. I’m a guy, my hair doesn’t take that long.’

And then the choking anxiety over not being able to get stuff done sets in, so I just kept walking. Funny how that works. Even the little things just seem to be out of your reach when there’s so much to do already. Fortunately I have a free day on Saturday…besides the rabbits, of course. I shouldn’t pin too much on it though; that’s setting myself up for failure. I’m getting myself hair salon booking, I know that much. So tired of wrangling these unruly locks into something appropriate for work. Chop ‘em all off, weather be damned. Maybe I actually will go into the CBD, see if I can find a good hairdresser. David Jones has a salon that seems to be pretty decent. I’ll spend the rest of the day drinking bubble tea and planning my schedule a bit better. That’s probably all it is, to be honest. I just don’t make enough solid plans.


You Just Gotta Believe!

office designers MelbourneEveryone can achieve success. You just have to BELIEVE.

I really am a perfect example of a success story, given how I crawled out from the gutter and now own Office Smiles Inc., a company of my own creation that focuses on improving office spaces for everyone. Maybe your workers aren’t cohesive? We’ll send them on a motivational conference. Working in a drab space? We’ll put you onto one of our trusted designer offices in Melbourne, and you can have that pristine workspace for ultimate productivity.

And it’s true: you CAN achieve anything. Just take me, a total degenerate from a disadvantaged home where my parents- a dentist and a lawyer- made somewhat less money than their counterparts in the big city, because they lived in the country. I had to go to a country private school that didn’t even have a pool or horse-riding ring! And when it came time for me to work, my parents lightly pressured me into taking an office job with a business contact, again in a country town so I wasn’t quite used to the fast pace of city offices. But I still made something of myself anyway. All I had to go on was five years of internships and office experience, and also those conferences that my parents sent me on to develop my skills. Still, they only went for a about a week each, and there were only to a year, so it’s not like I was totally set up from the get-go!

I have a great relationship with a whole team of trusted office designers near Melbourne, each with their own specialties depending on what that particular office needs. And then there are the motivational speakers; got a list of them as long as my arm, for every occasion. That’s what Office Smiles Inc. does: we guarantee smiles and productivity. It’s in our company ethos statement! No smile, here’s your refund. But speakers and fitouts generally get the job done.

-Donny Y

From GUILT, and onwards to STRENGTH

aluminium toolboxes MelbourneAddictions are serious business, and they can strike at any time. One day you’re just going about business as usual, you find a new brand of fruit-and-nut chocolate that you really like, and you decide to eat a little piece every day. An hour later and boom! All gone. And chocolate isn’t expensive, you you get yourself down to the shop to get some more, reasoning that you’ll *probably* go to the gym that day. And then boom! All of it is gone, you didn’t go to the gym, and now you cannot live without a delicious square of fruity, nutty chocolate.

My mouth is watering, so I should stop.

Still, our group therapy class is both helpful and fascinating. I never knew you could be so addicted to such a wide variety of things! I’ve become quite good friends with Ozzie, who’s addicted to ute modifications. He’s always looking to add tool box central locking, or extra under tray drawers…and just last weekend he had some new roof racks and bars fitted, without telling his wife. As our therapist says, these things are not wrong by themselves. Some people take pride in their work vehicles, and that’s a healthy outlet. But it stops being a healthy outlet when it transgresses the GUILT system:

G– Guilt over time

I– Instant Regret after engaging in the activity

U– Uncontrollable Urges to do/eat more

L– Love, but not the good kind

T– Terrible Troubles with friends and relatives.

Those are the signs! And so many people miss them. One week you’re just making an innocent modification to your toolbox, and then boom! Your garage is absolutely stuffed with the best Melbourne aluminium toolboxes money can buy. That’s how Ozzie told it, anyway. And then there’s me, with my computer desk covered in Bradbury’s Fruit-and-Nut chocolate wrappers. However, we’re working on moving past our GUILT, and onto STRENGTH. That’s:

S– Strength to resist

T– Try not to do the bad things…