Victorian Auto Election

This is it, the day we’ve all been waiting for! It’s election day, and we’re about to find out if the corrupt Premier Norris will remain in his position, or if the illustrious Dr Dark McBane, evil scientist extraordinaire, will take his seat of power! I’m Chuck Fiddlesticks, reporting live from the Channel 17 helicopter, right above Government House.

Let’s take a minute to remember what is at stake here. Dr McBane has promised that if he wins the election, he will give sentient cars and sentient air conditioners the right to vote going forward. I recently spoke to two sentient cars, Brake and Clutch, who think that Dr Dark McBane winning this election would be a life-changing event for them. So let’s hope that we get the right result today!

And they’re about to announce the winner. It’s Dr Dark McBane! The evil scientist has done it! He’s the new Premier! Congratulations to him, for an excellent campaign based on giving basic rights to sentient cars and air conditioners everywhere. I’m going to get a car service near Bankstown to celebrate (that’s right, I’m going all the way to Sydney for it since they’ve had rights for sentient cars for much longer). 

What’s this? Former Premier Norris is going to give a concession speech. He says that he would congratulate Dr Dark McBane, but unfortunately by the law in our great state, anybody who has graduated from the Supervillain Training Academy cannot become the Premier! Oh no, that means Dr Dark McBane loses by default. Norris actually appears to be making a victory speech. What a tragedy for sentient cars and air conditioners everywhere.

But it seems we aren’t done yet, folks. Somebody else has forced their way onto the stand. It seems to be a young woman, possibly a reporter. She has pushed Premier Norris down the stairs and taken control of the microphone. What will she say?

I can’t believe it! She claims that Dr Dark McBane never actually graduated from the Supervillain Training Academy, as he failed his final exam! That means he’s eligible to be Premier! Unbelievable stuff, everybody.

Congratulations to our new Premier, Dr Dark McBane.