I’ve always wanted to be on Australia’s Next Top Office, ever since I saw the first season last week. I showed it to my third-grade class and they loved it. I must say, there was a lot more blood and gore than I expected, but the plot was simply thrilling. I’ve accrued half a year of annual leave and the principal is forcing me to take some time off, so I figured I’d audition. And I got the part! That’s why I’m writing this post; so that Not Flicks can hide it somewhere on the internet for people to find.
While I don’t know the first thing about office designers, Melbourne is fairly design-oriented, so I’m sure I can figure it out. Two weeks is plenty of time to prepare. After all, I teach my class children the basics of pretty much everything at school. A crash course in office design will be easy for me. Even though I do feel like they only selected me because the five other contestants are male, I’m honoured to be on the show. I think I’m a real chance to go all the way.
Nobody expects the third-grade teacher to win this sort of thing, so I’m definitely the underdog. After all, my fellow contestants are a famous actor, two powerful wizards, a mass criminal and a supervillain. They’ll think I’m just going to lie down and lose. I’ll show them a thing or two about being an office fitout specialist. Melbourne and all its residents will know my name by the time the season is over.
The thing is, I’m not just a third-grade teacher. Last year I was teaching sixth-graders. I’m basically a veteran, having gone through the toughest challenge life can throw at a person. I can handle anything. Underestimate me if you dare. I’ll prove you all wrong and bring that glory back home to share with my students. They’ll all be watching and I won’t fail them.
Keep an eye out for Ms Frankie on season two of Australia’s Next Top Office.
Everyone can achieve success. You just have to BELIEVE.
I really am a perfect example of a success story, given how I crawled out from the gutter and now own Office Smiles Inc., a company of my own creation that focuses on improving office spaces for everyone. Maybe your workers aren’t cohesive? We’ll send them on a motivational conference. Working in a drab space? We’ll put you onto one of our trusted designer offices in Melbourne, and you can have that pristine workspace for ultimate productivity.
And it’s true: you CAN achieve anything. Just take me, a total degenerate from a disadvantaged home where my parents- a dentist and a lawyer- made somewhat less money than their counterparts in the big city, because they lived in the country. I had to go to a country private school that didn’t even have a pool or horse-riding ring! And when it came time for me to work, my parents lightly pressured me into taking an office job with a business contact, again in a country town so I wasn’t quite used to the fast pace of city offices. But I still made something of myself anyway. All I had to go on was five years of internships and office experience, and also those conferences that my parents sent me on to develop my skills. Still, they only went for a about a week each, and there were only to a year, so it’s not like I was totally set up from the get-go!
I have a great relationship with a whole team of trusted office designers near Melbourne, each with their own specialties depending on what that particular office needs. And then there are the motivational speakers; got a list of them as long as my arm, for every occasion. That’s what Office Smiles Inc. does: we guarantee smiles and productivity. It’s in our company ethos statement! No smile, here’s your refund. But speakers and fitouts generally get the job done.
Well, we made it in the end. Somehow.
I’m not really…well, not really the most motivated person around. I became the boss because the old one couldn’t take the pressure of motivating people any more, and the office has just been coasting along ever since. Nobody leaves, nobody gets hired, and we get the job done adequately enough so we’re all just still here. There’s no discipline, no real drive to be any better. And yeah, a lot of that is on me, being the boss and all! Even my PA spends most of her time reading trashy romance novels and only half-heartedly trying to hide it. I can see her reading, right now, from my office. It’s a bit unsettling, those facial expressions she makes.
But I finally managed it! We’ve got a motivational business speaker coming into the office, and I barely had to lift a finger! So I was out for coffee with a friend on the weekend, and I told him my plight. I tend to tell this friend a lot, mostly because he works in an office building where stuff actually gets done and I like to live vicariously through his experience. Anyway, I was bemoaning how no one ever does anything, and how we’ve been meaning to get in an inspirational speaker for months but no one can be bothered to actually get on it.
And then he just looks at me and says that he’ll do it. Five minutes on the phone, and he glared at me the entire time, like he’s finally got sick of all my complaining. Honestly, I totally understand that reaction. But hey, it worked! We’ve finally got someone in to talk to the office about inspirational office things, and I didn’t have to DO anything. It’s really the only way this could’ve happened.
So I guess that’s the ultimate problem solve: moan to your friends, and they’ll sort out all your issues. Wait, that sounds terrible. Never mind, I’m sure a session with an esteemed Australia conference speaker will sort us out. I’m hoping, anyway…