DIY photobooth

photoboothsMy brother and I were pretty imaginative kids. We were always doing creative things like building cubbies and making movies. But sometimes our creative pursuits moved into stranger territory, like the day we tried to build a photo booth. Melbourne city had just got a bunch of cool photobooths which inspired us to make one at home. I know, weird right.

As you can imagine, the venture didn’t turn out quite like we’d expected. Here’s how we tried to build it. First we tried making a frame out of kitchen chairs and then used blankets and sheets to make a darkened booth. But the blankets weren’t taut enough and would collapse on us if we tried to enter. So then we asked our dad to bring us a big box from work. This worked a little better. We inverted the box so that it was open at the bottom and placed higher up on kitchen chairs. Then we cut a door into the box and hung a black sheet over it. It was starting to look more like a photo booth. When it came to taking the photos, I had been given this cheap disposable camera for christmas and we were planning to use that, except the flash was broken so whenever we took a photo it was way too dark. We finally persuaded Mum to let us borrow her slightly more expensive camera and that worked fine. It was just like the CBD photobooths, Melbourne would never know the different… kind of.

With our makeshift photobooth complete we started playing the photobooth game. This involved one of us playing ‘the person’ and the other one playing ‘the machine’ – who would silently take the image when the person would press the photobooth button. Kids can be such weirdos sometimes.

Credits, Graphics and Software

computersYou know how movie credits can just be the worst sometimes? You sit through them because they’re credits and they have to give credit where credit is due, and sure, these people are very important and without them we wouldn’t have this wonderful movie that we’re about to watch, but who on Earth would ever want to sit there looking at a bunch of names they don’t know? That works great if you’re the mother of a Hollywood starlet waiting for your son’s name to pop up, but not for everyone else.

Man, the Jane Blond movies have the best credits. In fact, I was doing a bit of work today, since I’m doing a software development course, and I was wondering to myself how they manage to render those things. Now, I’ve known about software way before I started to develop it in this course, since my uncle owns a computer shop and he used to look after me all the time while my parents were out being missionaries in Zambia and curing leprosy and whatever else. He’d have to watch the shop and serve customers, and in the meantime I’d sit in the back and figure out how the spare computers worked. Like, every little detail. Eventually I was working there, and…well, you don’t need my life story.

So I’m sitting there, idly watching the opening credits to a Jane Blond film on one of my screens, and it’s elaborate. They all are, but for the latest one (Ghost Squid) they really went all out. How many computers were involved? How long did it take to render that, and how much software was needed? Who developed that particular software? See, the rabbit hole goes deep, and that’s only the tip of the iceberg when you consider all the designers, motion-capture people and whoever sung the very awesome theme. So yeah, it inspired me in my software development course. Melbourne isn’t the best place to start when you want to break into Hollywood, but…maybe one day I can make software the allows more interesting credits for even more movies.

-Jambres

Home-grown cosmetics

laser hair removalWhen I was a young girl, I used to love making my own cosmetics. I loved the feel, the smell and the texture of natural ingredients, combining them into a bowl and applying these skin rejuvenating elixirs. I’d make face masks out of eggs, avocados and essential oils, scrubs out of honey and sugar, and all kinds of hair conditioners. I knew which plants have astringent properties to help tighten pores, which oils have antiseptic properties that boost skin health, and which foods can make your complexion glow. I even made my own wax out of melted sugar just like the ancient Egyptians used to do.

All of this was fun growing up but the benefits of these natural products reached their limits in my adulthood. I started off by getting permanent hair removal with laser hair removal treatment in Ballarat. I never looked back from that day. Permanent hair removal sure beats the sticky mess of sugar wax, and it’s going to last a lifetime.


Next I took a peek at other treatments offered at the Ballarat clinic. You wouldn’t believe the things they can do to enhance a woman’s appearance. There are dermal fillers to smooth wrinkles, lip fillers to perk up your lips and even stuff like eyebrow tattooing. I know the last one sound a bit strange but I actually need this because my hair is so fair that it looks like I have no eyebrows! It used to get to me as a kid when the other children would make fun of me and I guess I carried that stigma around with me ever since. So when I discovered that
Ballarat cosmetic tattooing can give me real eyebrows I was thrilled. As soon as I get my next pay cheque I’m going to book a consultation with the clinician about getting the eyebrow tattoos. They can do an incredible job with feather-thin lines that look totally nature. I cannot wait!

The best part time job for a programming student

video game design courseSince I started studying I’ve been trying to find the best part time job to compliment my video game design course. Melbourne is a pretty good place for young people to find jobs so I’ve had no trouble, and I’ve changed jobs a couple of times. I’m still trying to find the best one for me while I study.

During my first year of university I worked in hospitality. It’s a popular choice, I know, but it’s also hard work. Working in bars and nightclubs provided a nice breather from staring at screens and talking about computer programming and web design all the time. I did however get into some good chats with people about gaming and met a few cute girls who are into that stuff too. Eventually, I started to feel that I was wasting my time because I was getting paid minimum wage and having to work strange hours of the night. To be honest, the lifestyle was getting to me too, so I changed jobs to something a little closer to my app design course. Melbourne had good employ opportunities at the time so it wasn’t long before I found a new job.

My second job while at uni was at a computer shop. I happen to be an app and software fanatic more so than a hardware geek so while this was a little more relevant to my area of study, it was still not perfect. I was getting paid a little more than I was before, and I didn’t come home smelling of spilt beer and sweat. After a while though I was itching to start utilising the skills from my app design course in the real world. So I applied for a bunch of network security jobs and got an entry level job at a specialist medical practice. This allows me to use some of my programming skills but it’s still a little divergent from my field in video game development. Ah well, I’ll be working in the industry soon enough after finishing my degree.

Daydreaming of Finance and Obstacle Courses

daydreamsIt’s always a bit of a lottery, competing in athletics tournaments at my age. But that big TV show, Australia’s Greatest Shinobi, is coming to Melbourne, and even though I’m a little bit past my prime, I’m willing to try out.

It’s funny how I divide my time. I work in an office during the week and I don’t talk about any of this stuff, so most people probably just think I run or something. But I have all this going on. Not that I let any of it take away from anything else, because I work with people who do things like leasing and conveyancing around Bentleigh, so I need to be switched on. I try not to let the worlds cross over, but sometimes I’ll be clambering over an obstacle and thinking about my financial planning, or I’ll be in the office and I’ll suddenly figure out a better way up the climbing wall. They’re two very important things, so naturally there’s going to be some crossover, but I’m worried about how much I think about one while doing the other. Conveyancing can be a tricky game, what with things changing, house prices going up and down, solicitors relying on me to keep them updated. So I need to keep my head in the game. What if I’m in the middle of Australian Shinobi and I suddenly remember that I have some paperwork that needs filing? And then I’m up the creek because I miss the rope swing and it adds a whole four seconds to my time, and then I end up taking second place. Or worse.

Maybe I should just pick me. Australian Shinobi isn’t going to pay the bills. Maybe the people who do conveyancing around Carlton and wherever else actually need my help. But still, I can’t stop moving. I’m committed to the lifestyle, and I can dream, at least…

-Fergus

It’s all about that water drainage

drain camera MelbourneThe last thing I need is another problem with the pipes. I bought an old rundown house from a friend in the hopes of flipping the place for a tidy profit. Unfortunately the expenses keep adding up and I get the feeling I’m not going to break even on this project. It’s always a risk when buying an old home for profit, the problems blow the budget out and you end up in the red. I desperately need to flip this house for profit within two years in order to pay back the loan on the place. If I can’t get this place sold I’m going to be in lot of financial trouble…again. I have a bad feeling that the drains are seriously blocked and may need a sewer repair. Melbourne plumbers have to deal with these kinds of issues every day, I just hope the costs aren’t going to spiral out of control.
I don’t know much about pipes, I can’t be sure of anything until we the drain inspections. Melbourne contractors are pretty quick when it comes to quotes so I should know very soon how much it’s all going to cost me. They can use little cameras to snake down the drain and see if there are any major issues that could be expensive. I am a little worried that it’s going to cost me a ton if they find that the drains are rotted away with age. The good news is that if don’t find anything too serious it shouldn’t be expensive to have them cleared. I have my fingers crossed that most of the drains are going to be in good condition. There may be a few problems with tree roots blocking areas of the pipe but nothing that can’t be handled. The drain replacement team have dealt with bigger issues than mine thankfully. These skilled guys have the experience to fix any drain problem or replace parts of the sewer to keep things flowing smoothly.

Dermal Fillers: A fairy tale

dermal fillers MelbourneThe love between the scientist and his wife was the stuff of legends. They had met when he was a young man, penniless but full of ambition, and she, a beauty whose face was known across the continent. They were married within days of meeting one another and were inseparable ever since, but when the pair entered into their mature years something changed. They were still as in love as ever, but the scientist’s wife was growing tired. Lines had creeped out from the corners of her eyes and years of joy and laugher had creased her face into a frown. She was not dead, but her beauty was punished and the woman despaired. ‘Can you bring me back to life my love?’ she pleaded. The scientist’s brows furrowed with thought. Such an undertaking had never been attempted in the world of science, but his love for his wife and his wild ambition made made him rise to the challenge. ‘I will invent dermal fillers!’ he announced, and set to work.

 

The night came when the scientist brought his wife into the laboratory and helped her onto the gurney. Thunder cracked above them and a shock of light flashed in the room – an ominous precursor to their experiment into the unknown realms of beauty therapy. The scientist used a balm of local anaesthetic to soothe his wife’s once beautiful skin, and then he began his operation. He raised a long hypodermic up to the light and gave it a tap, then lowered it to her face. She barely twitched as he pressed the plunger. He quickly bandaged her face – they wouldn’t know the results until later, but she was okay. The embraced in the stormy night. Days later when it was time to remove the bandages, the mad scientist looked at his wife’s face with awe. The lines around her eyes and mouth had smoothed, and her skin was as supple as it had been twenty years earlier. The scientist’s daring experiment had proved safe and effective and ever since that day, anti-wrinkle treatments. Melbourne cosmetic professionals have offered dermal fillers ever since, resuscitating tired old skin and making the legendary beauty of the scientist’s wife accessible to all.

A funeral filled future

Funeral Directors PerthAll I’ve ever wanted to do with my life was work at one of the many funeral homes in Perth. I realise that, for a child of nine, that is a very specific career path to have in mind, particularly since I lived in Melbourne at the time. In fact, I can remember the moment I decided that this would be my future with absolute clarity.

My grandfather had just died, of entirely natural causes, and my mother was, naturally, distraught. I hadn’t known him particularly well, he had been a typical, standoffish, ‘children should be seen and not heard’ type of man, and my mother had had a complex relationship with him. For my own part I thought his nose was grotesque and he always smelt like mouldy cheese. Mother’s grief was rendered her practically inconsolable, but it was the lady at the funeral home, beautiful, poised, cold as she was, who managed to bring my mother’s waves of emotion under control. I knew then and there I wanted to be like her, the funeral director, not my mother. That, and his death didn’t really bother me. In fact, it seemed perfectly natural.

As for the Perth part of that equation, that was only added in a couple of months later, when my parents decided I needed to see more of my own country, and so we went on a roadtrip. I fell in love with the city on the beach almost immediately. It was as far away from my family as I could get without leaving Australia, and as an added bonus, it was hot, beachy, and packed with parks. Perfect.

So there you have it. I married my career aspirations with my dream city and wound up deciding to be a funeral director in Perth. It was the best of both worlds, and I smile now, recalling just how well I knew myself at age nine, when I dreamt up this wonderful life for myself. Sometimes, I think I knew myself better then than I do now.

My dream of being an ice skater

You know when you’re like six or Ice skating Melbourneseven, and everyone asks you want you want to be when you’re older and you’re supposed to say things  like fireman, vet, doctor? And then people ask you a few years later, and you’re supposed to have refined your answer a little bit, become a little more realistic or a little more specific?

Well, all I ever wanted to do was be an ice skater. I used to watch the Winter Olympics and think about how beautiful they all looked, in those amazing costumes, gliding over the ice as if they hadn’t a care in the world. Out there, everything looked so perfect, so different to the flawed, ugly world I inhabited that I created some kind of ideal life around it. Of course, trying to communicate that to mum was nearly impossible. I remember when I was ten, I really, really wanted to use the ice skating rink in the city as one of those birthday party venues but mum wouldn’t hear a bar of it. If I remember correctly, I believe she told me that there was no way in hell she was going to spend that much money on something I wouldn’t even remember. I cried for a week and definitely do remember, so thanks for nothing mum. In fact, she wouldn’t even pay for me to have ice skating lessons in Melbourne. She said that, when I went to live with my dad in England over the summer, he could pay for them, and that there was no reason to learn ice skating in Australia. It didn’t matter that it was my dream, or the only thing I asked for for my twelfth birthday, mum thought it was stupid and so that was the end of that.

As I grew older, I realised that it was too late for me, that my dream of being a champion ice skater was never going to be realised, that I was simply too old to make it professionally. But since those days I have made a solemn promise to myself that I will never restrict my own children’s dreams the way my mother did. A dream exists to be encouraged, not denounced as stupid or impractical. A dream exists for a reason, something my mother never understood.

Planning the perfect wedding

I’m so proud of the work that my wedding team has done that I could cry. I feel like we’ve managed to pull together and really make something memorable. Not only am I apart of the team, but I am the leader and that is a good feeling. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that I am the best man in little band and I am also the best man at the wedding. I’m married to the bride’s best friend and now that her good friend Amy is getting married to Darren they have asked me to help plan the wedding. I have a bit of a flare for design and have put together a few very successful dinner parties in my time. That must be the reason why they chose me to be the wedding planner. It’s been a difficult few months but I feel like I’ve put together the most magnificent wedding that I could possibly think of. The wedding is still a week away but I’m frantically trying to organise beauty treatments for the bride. Rightfully so she has requested that I get her an appointment for laser hair removal. Melbourne brides tend to go all out when it comes to looking perfect on their special day. Everything else has been organised and the only way that people can see what this wedding is going to be like is to attend. The bride is going to look incredible, her wedding dress cost more than my first car. The bride is in her mid 30’s but she looks like a teenager, probably due to her regular appointments for dermal fillers. Melbourne cosmetic treatments are some of the best in the world.  I hope that they love it, and I hope that they will be happy with the way it looks. I’ve tried my hardest to give my friends a dream wedding since mine was such a disaster.