children

That settles it: we need better standards for children’s entertainment. In REAL LIFE.

I’ve been advocating for children’s entertainment to be better on television for years, even before my own kids were born. It all started when I accidentally flipped onto a channel that showed two puppets hugging in a way that i thought was a little bit too intimate. No A-frame, and they held the position a little bit too long, plus it was a boy puppet and a girl puppet so you can’t just shrug it off as being a bro or girly thing.

From that moment, I decided that someone needed to stand up for the children and their innocent little minds, and also provide them with something educational. The world depends on it.

That’s why I appointed myself Play Centre Inspector Supreme, roaming from place to place, every single birthday party venue in Adelaide (and sometimes those outside the state when I’m feeling vigorous), making sure all the kids are getting something truly wholesome and wonderful. And educational; that’s also important.

That’s why Funky Franklin has me in such a tizzy. He goes from one birthday party venue to another, teaching children things. That part is great. If he’s entertaining and also teaches kids how to not stick a fork in a toaster, then he gets a certain amount of points.

But he also delivers his messages via rap, which is an inherent evil that corrupts the minds of young people. You can see why I’m having a problem, because kids party venues are already keenly hunting for people to do some entertaining, and the educational aspect IS there. But then…rap. Do I tolerate rap within the hallowed halls of the indoor play centres for hire in Adelaide? If I was really the Play Centre Inspector Supreme, I’d know the answer. I have to be decisive.

Rap…or education. Education…or rap??

-Erin

The greatest downside of my life at the moment is that there aren’t enough hours in the day to watch new anime. If it were up to me, I’d divide my time quite specifically: the hours of 9am to 5pm are for normal, boring life stuff. Break for dinner. 7-9pm are for watching current or ongoing series, then 9-11pm are for sampling and reviewing new ones. I’d stay up later, but Mum would be really angry. She hates it when I go to bed too late.

One I’m really considering writing a strong review about at the moment is ‘Castle Dream Kid Squad!’, which everyone is going on about online right now. I don’t really see the appeal.

You’ve got find kids party venues for hire close to Canberra, and they all look pretty normal, like a standard play centre. The story is about a bunch of really young kids who, when they go to the play centre, transform into adult knights and go on massive adventures. I’m only on episode four, and one thing I do kinda like is how you can’t tell if it’s just their imagination or actual magic. I remember being a kid…like a few years ago. I used to go to a play centre, and I sometimes genuinely managed to convince myself that I was Drago-tron, Ravager of Dimensions, Lord of Torment and He-Who-Eradicates-Goodness. None of the other kids wanted to play that specific game, so I just played myself. But play centres are cool

Still, I’m not sold on the plot progression. They don’t GO anywhere. They’re always defending this one castle against mutant elephants and the Parental Devastation Squad, armed with coffee bazookas. It’s really kid-friendly, with long speeches about friendship and how awesome ball pits are.

I’m thinking this really is an anime just for kids, and also the parents watching with them. Maybe it’s supposed to make people think back to when THEY used to go to kids parties around Canberra and remember their childhood, and the imaginary games they played. But I gotta be cruel. 4/10, needs more magical girls and dream explosions. Not cute.

-Dylan-kun

You guys, it happened again, I’m SO triggered this time, seriously. For one thing, they just swept the whole fishmonger thing under the rug and pulled the ‘evil twin’ schtick. Ugh, even I saw that coming. I (yes, ME) was on the verge of quitting Week of Our Lives for a few weeks until they managed to sort out the tangle, but then they dropped a bombshell at the end of the premiere. Mm, I just have to keep watching!

So, they had the party at the kids birthday party venue, Croydon’s finest, which I thought was weird because WOOL takes place in a fictional town. I guess Realsville just doesn’t have its own play centre. What do Croydon’s actual play centres feel about a fictionalised version of themselves being represented on screen? Maybe they got filming permission and actually shot it on location, but then some crazy drama went down in there. It’s not like that’d make people want to use a birthday party venue for their children. Hmm, maybe there’s a lawsuit in the works. Or maybe in the next episode they all go BACK to the play centre and iron out their differences and everyone has a good romp in the ball pit and all is indeed well.

Yeah, so, anyway…Hiro was sweeping the floors once the place had closed, because that’s his job, when he was approached by a shadowy figure. As literally the only foreign person in Realsville I’ve always wanted Hiro to get his own storyline, and sure enough, this is it. The cloaked figure was…his long lost uncle! Who in their native Japan is the emperor of a massive empire of indoor play centres! Croydon was a test for the company in Australia, with Hiro sent in as a sleeper agent without even knowing.

Will Hiro take up his destiny to entertain children across Australia? Will Hannah ever reconcile with the fact that her mother was turned into a seagull by an ancient curse? What’s up with Anita growing back her severed limb? And what do the Croydon indoor play centres actually think of this in real life?

I have to keep watching. I just…ugh, HAVE to.

-Leticia