I’ve always loved collecting things. It started with stamps but that got boring by the time I was six and so I started collecting way more interesting things like exotic birds eggs and animal bones. Today I found the holy grail of all collector items. It was a bunch of tamper evident bags.
I guess they’d been misplaced by the police or something because these top secret bags containing crime scene evidence were left at the foot of a slight or stairs in the city. I saw the cop car pull away so perhaps they were interrogating someone or raiding their home. In any case, I was the first one to lay my hands on them. Now I want to collect many many more.
The thing about this collection is that I don’t even want to open the bags up. The thing with collectors is that they usually buy their figurines in packages and never open the packages. Even though I can’t see the evidence inside, I can feel around and guess what they are. I prefer it this way, it’s more mysterious. One of them feels sharp and has a handle. Another one is large and tube-shaped with a bulb at the end.
I think I might even start branching out and collecting other postage bags. But perhaps I’ll open these ones. I won’t do anything unethical or illegal, I’ll just collect the packages that have gone astray. Many are marked ‘return to sender’ and then abandoned. Then there are others that arrive at abandoned properties. Those are really fun to open up. This obsession of mine has become something of a new calling. I feel that I want to devote my life to it. When my collection is finally big enough, I’ve planned to open up a museum. It behooves me to display all the various types of postage packages to posterity. It’s a crucial piece of history.