I’ve always struggled to hold down a job. I’m not lazy and I’m not without skills, it’s just that I’m hopeless. Everything I’ve tried my hand at I’ve failed at. I’ve had dozens of different jobs — couldn’t do any of them. My first job ever, like a lot of teenagers, was in a fast food joint. That lasted probably a few months before I was busted dunking my hands into the french fries. (It was cold, okay!)
Then there was the pizza delivery gig, the removalists, the water inspector — in none of these cases did I last more than two months. Each one had its own complications. I know there’s a job out there for me, my job service provider keeps offering me these words of encouragement. I actually thought that the window cleaning job was right for me but that didn’t go down well either. I was standing on one of those tall window cleaner things against a sky scraper and because I was enjoying the view so much I started swinging out to get a better look around the edge of the building. But I ended up smashing through the windows and damaging the frame. They had to get brand new aluminium windows. In Melbourne, skyscrapers aren’t that big, but it was still an impressive crash. Personally, I think it’s their fault for having aluminum windows because I think the superior ones are the timber windows. Melbourne CBD buildings can withstand more pressure from swaying window cleaners. Well, I don’t know what I’m going to do for money next. I think I might try my hand at gardening or perhaps census collecting. It’s pretty clear that I’m good at working with my hands as long as I’m not crashing into things at a great height.